Thursday, August 6, 2009

Live a little! Further speed dating notes FOR WOMEN

I ran into a friend of mine the other day. She'd read my article on speed dating and decided to give it a shot.

"Did you have fun?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, "some of the guys were really nice."

"So you probably got a ton of dates out of it."

"Eehhh..." she wrinkled her nose.

"Only a few dates then. Any prospects?"


"Did you get any dates at all?" I was surprised. She's pretty good looking.


"How many guys did you select?" I had to ask.

"Well, I, uh, I dunno."

"Let me get this straight. You paid x-amount of dollars to go to this event, dressed up did makeup, hair--"

"I got new shoes."

"You got new shoes, and you said the guys were nice, and you didn't choose anybody?"

Now this is something about, say, 70% of all the women that I know that drives me through the roof. They'll get so close to having what they want, and in the last minute wimp out. Now if I were one of her girlfriends, there'd be some kind of girl-bonding bravado about what jerks and dweebs the guys were, but it’s all BS. Guys do the same thing when they wimp out with women (“all those girls were fat or lesbians!”), but it doesn’t fool anyone, and your friends are just being kind.

HOWEVER, if they were really kind, they’d smack you upside the head and tell you to go right back in there and not leave till you got some phone numbers!

I don’t know why girls try to fool themselves into believing that chickening shows some kind of character, but I know that when they go home alone facing the prospect of TV and chips with the dog on a Saturday night, they can feel the truth, even if they won’t admit it in words.

A date is just a date. There’s no commitment involved, you don’t have to marry the guy, or even see him again if you don’t like him. The worst that happens, you sit through an hour of boring conversation. Just pick a place with cool cocktails and it’ll make it all bearable. Now I know, there’s some girlfriend who’s even lonelier than you who’ll try to scare you with tales of stalkers and date-rapists and axe-murderers and cannibals, but truth of the matter is 99% of the guys you’ll meet are as normal as you are. Just be as smart as you would on any other first date: a public place you’re comfortable with, and a time limit (ie: first date 1 ½ hours tops, even if it’s love at first sight), and don’t drink too much. Besides, not every guy is that into you. He may just want you as a friend. I’ve done a number of speed dating events and if I meet a woman I like but don’t want to date, I’ll still get together with her as a friend. It’s not always about sex!

Chances are, if you’re speed dating, it’s a sign you have to rethink your criteria or the kind of guys you’ve been limiting yourself to. Start now.

At the very least, contact all the guys who aren’t totally inappropriate for you. Get to know them a little and DO go out with at least three or four of them. You may be very happily surprised.

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