Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Inner game and the mirror

If you're not familiar with it, lots of personal coaches talk about inner game. If you're not familiar with it, you can do a web search, but here's my take on it in a nutshell.

There's a saying that I really like, that encapsulates most of what you have to know about inner game, but applies to so much more.

But first--

so much of "inner game" is about you in your entirety--not how you are with women or anybody, but how you are with yourself. I was on the train the other day, trying not to overtly notice a young guy attempting to pick up a pretty young thing. He was doing pretty well, but he was clearly at that stage where it was a lot of work for him. He'd throw some lines, get a laugh and then let her talk for a while. During those pauses, you could see him give a sigh of relief, beetle his brow and lick his lips, worrying more about his next piece of material than what she was saying.

Most of all, what I saw during those pauses was that after each piece of material he'd throw out, he'd be scanning the girl's face for her response. On one hand, it IS important to get feedback from your audience or your risk boring/losing them, or even going down the wrong road. But you could see he was looking for her approval.

Now judging response is important to be effective, but however the interaction goes, it shouldn't affect your inner emotional state. No matter what your approach, the person you are talking to will pick up on it if you are really looking for their approval, and it can torpedo you. What can make any approach work can be that simple --having that strong inner state (ideally fun & excitement, or badboy, or whatever is natural for you). It's like being an athlete with strong legs--whatever the sport, having a solid base makes it better. Approach a girl because she looks like fun and because you have fun approaching, and fun making her laugh.

Inner game is that solid base.

Now here's the saying I really like:

It's like a mirror--you can't stare into it and say "I'll smile if you smile first." You'll never get a smile that way. But if you're smiling when you go up to the mirror, you'll get a smile 100% of the time.

No comments:

Post a Comment