Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I couldn't do it! Choosing your battlefields

I saw a video clip of a guy approaching women in a really unique and funny way, and I couldn't wait to go out and try his technique. As luck would have it, I also got an invite to a speed dating event--15 "dates" in under 2 hours? perfect!

On my way there, as I was on the subway platform waiting for the train and I passed a very pretty girl on the platform. She held my eye contact (I always make friendly eye contact with pretty girls), and smiled back when I smiled. I didn't bother to chat her up, since I'd only be on the train for 3 stops (just a few minutes), but we ended up sitting across from each other, so I couldn't help but start a conversation. She seemed confident, and funny, but there wasn't really time to go much further with the chat. I didn't even have a chance to try out the new material, it was just natural, fun chat. Ah, well, I said to myself, I had a room full of lovelies waiting for me once I got off the train, right?

The women at the event all looked like they were there to apply for bank loans. Not down so much as just drab and serious. "Diminished expectations" written clearly across their faces. Not one of these women expected to have any success tonight. You could see it (I also asked a few). Not really the kind of women I like spending time with, but they seemed nice enough for a few minutes of chat.

Here's the thing that made it so odd: I couldn't bring myself to try the technique I saw on the video. What I saw seemed to create a very strong, fast connection. I couldn't do it, not out of fear of failure, but fear of success!

So here's the lesson: While I think it's great to practice social skills outside of your comfort zone, it's equally important to be 100% behind what you're doing. you have to be really attracted to the women, at least something about the women, to get the results. This is true with everything in life, not just dating. A lot of guys, approach women they don't really like, and they get rejected. Ironically, they may have been doing a perfectly fine job, but if, deep down, they don't really want that woman, it won't work (at least not so well).

Food for thought.

1 comment:

  1. So what was the technique, already?!? (I'd be happy to share a few that haven't worked on me, such as the guy who approached me for advice because his girlfriend said his dick was too big. I bet you can see my eyes rolling all the way from Vermont.)